Child rearing is relatively intuitive for those who want to be a good parent, once we get past our selfishness and ego.  This means that child rearing books are usually not necessary because generations of good parents have raised well-adjusted and good children without them.  I am a CPA by training so you will not find any psychological theory in this article, but you will find what has seemed to work for the nine children that my wife and I have raised.   

Every one of us is unique.  Methods that help one child might not help the next.  Therefore, the wise parent will listen to other’s ideas and decide what is best for each individual child.

The Greek philosopher Epictetus said, “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.”  This is truly wise counsel when raising children.  It’s not easy but it is essential.

These are five important reasons to listen to our kids:

1. It shows them that they are loved.

Time invested in our children when they are in their early teens will yield dividends for their entire lives.  When you listen, it shows your children how much you value them and their opinions.  Take time to hold and kiss your children and tell them that you love them.  Love in words and in actions.  Even teenagers need to be hugged, whether they admit it or not.  This is particularly important when disciplining is necessary.

2. At times, they just need to vent.

 There are plenty of causes of stress in children’s lives.  The home should be the shock-absorber, not the shock-creator in life.  Children must know that they are safe sharing problems with their parents.  As much as possible, control your temper, control your tone, control your preaching and allow them to blow off steam.  When they settle down, you can respond honestly and share facts and your feelings.

3. Given enough time, they can usually solve their own problems.

The best way for children to grow up and take responsibility for their actions and for their own mental health is for them to evaluate and solve their own problems.  Good parents are good sounding boards.  Ask questions.  Never say, “You always…,” or “You never…,” because exaggerations undermine your credibility.  Give them enough time to come to their own solutions.

4. Sometimes, they will reveal issues that are very important to know.

If you listen well, you will learn what is bothering your kids.  You want to know these things.  Allowing my kids to explain themselves fully, has saved me many times from saying the wrong thing and given me needed information.  Even if there is a serious problem, it is better to know the full extent of the problem before looking for solutions.  Think before responding and reinforce your love for them before you share the harsh realities of consequences.

5. It is the best way to know what kind of people they are becoming.

You can only know what is going on in their head if they tell you.  You can assume that you know, but you don’t.  You want to develop a relationship with them that will last so, admit when you are wrong, show them how important they are, use humor to make the situation less tense and praise them every time you can, without artificial flattery.

My nine kids will assure you that I am a very imperfect parent, but I tried.  Even as badly as I behaved at times, our ninth child wrote this after she graduated from high school, “I knew I could tell Dad anything.  I knew that although Dad didn’t particularly care who was dating who in my choir class, he would always be there to listen. He may have rolled his eyes or laughed at my stories, but I knew he was listening and really cared what I had to say.”

Relationships that last into adulthood are built on having serious conversations with our children when they know we are listening, that we love them, and that we are considerate of their opinions.  Listen.

The media of the 21st Century trivializes the wisdom of God and glorifies the vanity of celebrities and demagogues.  Do not underestimate the power of the media.  Lessons on morality and acceptable human behavior are being taught every day in the media through TV, movies, music, news programs, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, sports, commercials and videos.  The morality of Hollywood is perverse, pervasive and persuasive, which is something that should frighten everyone.

The following list is a compilation of 25 generally-accepted lies that are consistently taught by most modern media.

1. If you are a married man, you are a buffoon, a compulsive liar, but probably both.
2. Kids on TV do not need to study.
3. Kids are usually wiser than parents.
4. Any type of corporal punishment is child abuse.
5. Taking the name of the Lord in vain is no more offensive than saying “lettuce.”
6. Using profanity is how people know that you are really serious.
7. The Sabbath is just another Saturday with football.
8. The religion of men is football.
9. To be attractive, women should be built like tall, skinny ten-       year-olds with breasts.
10. The religion of women is Oprah.
11. Social gatherings without alcohol never happen.
12. Stay-at-home moms are wasting their intelligence and earning potential.
13. Religion is for simple-minded bigots.
14. Smoking pot every once in a while is normal.
15. Pornography is harmless.
16. Late night comedians explain everything we need to know about politics.
17. If you don’t support gay marriage, you hate homosexuals.
18. If you don’t blame humans for global warming, you are really stupid.
19. Corporations are evil and jobs are created by ever more invasive government.
20. Dating at age 10 is normal unless the kid is a real nerd.
21. Dating for anyone over 18 means having sex.
22. Having sex before marriage not a problem if you are over 16, use a condom and care for each other.
23. The natural course of romance is; casual sex with someone you just met, regular (but not necessarily exclusive) sex for years, and then marriage, maybe.
24. Marriage is great if you are in your 30’s and have had sex with a lot of people so that you can be sure that you have made the right choice for your spouse.
25. Beating your dog is a vicious crime but killing your unborn child is just a choice.

If you are concerned that your children will believe any of these lies, you need to act.

As loving parents, we must:  

• Teach our kids that just because it is on TV or in movies doesn’t mean that it is true. 
• Speak up when corrupt philosophies are presented to our kids and refute them. 
• Educate our kids about morality, its purpose and benefits. 
• Counsel our children that there is a loving God, he will help us and his commandments are for our benefit.
• Show by example how to love the sinner but reject the sin.
• Discuss with our kids how the majority can be wrong, dead wrong.

Our children are precious to us, as parents.  We want them to have values and behavior that will help them be successful in life.  We cannot risk allowing those in the media who do not share the values that have shaped civilization to teach our children concepts that are corrupting and harmful.  We must be proactive in teaching our kids how to find enduring fulfillment and happiness.

Everyone should realize that there is evil in the world and there are powerful people who want us to accept evil. We must fight for truth and goodness.

My mantra has always been, “Happiness is the objective of my existence.”  Simply put, this means that I will never knowingly do anything that does not contribute to my happiness.  The major caveat is that happiness rarely means immediate gratification.  As Zig Ziglar said, “The chief cause of failure and unhappiness is trading what you want most for what you want right now.”

I have had a wonderful and happy life.  This might mean that I am one of those rare, if not fictional, people who never had problems in life. That is certainly not the case.  I have been fired three times from a job.  I was close to bankruptcy.  I am married to a woman who is as strong-willed as I am.  We had nine children with the exponential problems that come with an exponential number of kids.  Finally, I had heart disease for 13 years that lead to a heart transplant.

With that set of realities, maybe I was just deluded rather than happy.  I don’t think so.  I was happy because, in spite of obstacles, I was certain that I was being true to my mantra and I was working towards what I wanted most.

We all understand the importance of establishing priorities because we have seen what happens to people who have neither focus nor purpose in life.  “If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else,” is how Yogi Berra, the renowned baseball catcher and philosopher, put it.

In order to find purpose in life and gain happiness we must establish priorities.  In addition, we must also understand the inter-relationship between principles, priorities and expediencies.

Principles – These are our core values and reflect those things that we believe in the most.  If one believes that riches will bring them the most happiness, then that person’s principles would be – “There is nothing more important than money.”  Or, “Make as much money as possible without risking going to jail.”

My principles are based on God’s laws; such things as virtue, honesty, kindness, etc.  These principles have kept me on course to a happy life.  That is not to say that I am always as virtuous, honest or kind as I ought to be.  However, when I get off course, because I have principles, I know what I have to do to get back on course.

Priorities – The duties that matter most are our priorities; such as our duty to God, our family, our work, our self-improvement, our country, etc.  If my priority is to have a career that produces the most income possible, I will make sure that I spend more time at work than at less important duties. I will also sacrifice whatever it takes to show everyone that my career is the most important thing in my life.

No priority in my life takes precedence over my duty to God, and then my family.  I must follow Him first.  In fact, the reason that I have been fired three times is that my employers expected me to make work my number one priority, sometimes to the exclusion of all else.  Work is very important but no job, boss or career is worth sacrificing those things that matter most.  I was a dedicated and hard-working employee but I was never going to do those things that violated my principles and priorities, so we parted ways.  No regrets.

Expediencies – Urgent demands that must take precedence over other priorities for a defined period of time are expediencies. Those would be such things as a family emergency, a big project at work, or helping someone in urgent need.

Our principles and priorities must never change but expediencies constantly change.  For example, my family is always a higher priority than my work.  However, my expediency is to be on the job each workday, focus completely on the task at hand and willingly work overtime, if necessary.  But, if I get a call to come home because a member of the family is going to the hospital, my expediency immediately changes.  My principles and priorities have not changed but the expediency of the family matter has taken precedence.

In conclusion, set-backs in my career, financial difficulties, family issues and health problems have all come to me.  None of these has kept me from being happy.  There is a joy and satisfaction in doing what you know to be right.  It will bring you self-respect and the respect and love of your spouse and children.  Being true to God’s principles also brings you his comfort, guidance and approval.  I know that true happiness comes in no other way.

Too many adults seem to wander in life with no apparent purpose.  They go to work each day and come home to watch TV and drink “a cold one.”  They interact with others only when it involves alcohol and pleasure seeking.  This lifestyle cannot bring happiness. 

People need to be committed to a cause in order to have purpose in life.  Most of our societal problems are the result of so many people following the mantra of the 1970’s, “If it feels good, do it.”  True happiness, however, only comes when we commit ourselves to the more worthy cause of God, family and fellowman.  Some good examples would be Rotary, church, adult literacy, hospital volunteers, Boy or Girl Scouts, schools, etc.

“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back– Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth that ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too.  All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way.  Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it.  Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.  Begin it now.”                                                        -William Hutchison Murray

Some choose being committed to making as much money as possible; others choose popularity and fame, or a career.  These commitments produce a temporary satisfaction and a hollow sense of achievement.  True happiness can only be achieved through a commitment to serving others as Christ would have us serve them.  One can make money, be popular and have a great career, but following the example of Jesus Christ will yield a far greater reward.

It is not an easy task to help our children understand that they must be committed to blessing the lives of others if they want to achieve true happiness.  Teaching this lesson must start with example and the example only works if we know the sweetness of serving ourselves.  Sue gives this example, “My cousin’s older children have a sense of value because they are really needed to help care for their special-needs, younger brothers.   Everyone needs to feel that they are a contributing member of the family.” 

We can only teach commitment if we are committed to a worthy cause.  Then, as WH Murray says, “Providence moves too.  Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.”  Our lives will be richer, more fulfilling and happier.

The twenty-first century has brought us a world where knowledge of almost any topic is at our fingertips.  A ubiquitous store of information is available to anyone who has access to a computer or a smart phone.

This almost limitless accumulation of facts should mean that mankind would make better choices and be better people than in the past.  That does not appear to be the case.  You can read thousands of books or spend all of your free time Googling but that does not mean that you will make wise choices.

There are millions of very intelligent people on earth.  They have the ability to understand the knowledge that is around them.  They are learned and are able to determine how separate facts relate to one another.

With so many intelligent people on earth, mankind should be able to make better choices and be better people than in the past.  That does not appear to be the case.    You can be incredibly intelligent and have multiple degrees from renowned universities but that does not mean that you will make wise choices.

Those who are wise choose the correct information that will achieve the best result for all and then properly use that information to govern their lives.  Wisdom does not come from having the most information or being the smartest.  Wisdom comes from avoiding the traps that ensnare most knowledgeable, intelligent people.  The wise are not seduced by the sophistries of society and their own agendas and egos. They, instead, focus on the best answers to the problems that face mankind.

Consider the powerful and intelligent people who have destroyed their reputations, and the lives of others, by making unwise choices.  In recent history those names would include Bernie Madoff, Richard Nixon, Jeff Skilling, Bill Clinton, Dennis Koslowski, Jerry Sandusky, and the list goes on.

Wisdom only comes to those who can successfully abstain from egotism, lust for power and riches and unchecked physical appetites.  These three evils have disgraced powerful men and women since the dawn of civilization.  These same evils also damage those of us who are less knowledgeable and intelligent.

Pride and ego continue to plague even those who can control the other two evils.  It is insidious because everyone wants to feel good about themselves and what they are doing.  The downfall of the egotist comes from two sources.   First, they become more concerned about appearing intelligent and sophisticated rather than standing for that which is right.  Second, they make choices that are politically correct rather than actually correct.

The morality of Hollywood, political agendas and the philosophies of misguided men and women are taking a toll on the wisdom of even the best people.  Pride and ego make them believe and advocate ideas that appeal to the intellect but reject wisdom.  Remember, just because the news reports, “A study shows…” does not mean that the conclusion of the commentator is correct.

While satisfying our egos with intellectualism and elitism makes us feel important, being wise will make us happier. Making wise choices will also benefit those within our sphere of influence.  Most of all, being wise is the best thing we can do for our children and the generations that follow.

As a group, those who have endured the most hardship are the most devoted to religious doctrine and practice.  Those who have the most life experience have come to rely on God being an integral part of their everyday lives.

Even though all generational groups believe in God in relatively the same percentages, there is a trend away from organized religion and towards what is now called “spirituality.”   This “spirituality” means that everyone can believe in God and His commandments in a way that most appeals to them.  There is no religious or doctrinal authority. There is no commitment to God, nor his commandments. Into this relative morality void enters the false god of the internet.

Social media requires nothing of its devotees and yet gives one a sense of being a good person, as long you act as most people on-line think is acceptable.  Without religious doctrine, you can make up your own rules; which is precisely the cause of so much hate, violence, heartache, and evil in the world.  Self-righteous rhetoric has become the standard on social media.

The internet and social media are not intrinsically evil.  Sharing experiences and learning from others has many potential benefits.  However, as with most significant advances in human endeavor, a darker side typically develops.  Internet morality has developed into a corrupt counterfeit for the divine and genuine.

We must stop following the false god of social media for these reasons:

1. Lies – There is no Internet Truth Monitor. We would be wise to heed this warning from Facebook – “Don’t believe everything you read on the internet – Abraham Lincoln.” There is evil in the world and evil people will use every means to take advantage of others.

     Much of what is presented as fact is manipulated to                 support a falsehood.  As David Mitchell sarcastically said,      “Over 85% of all statistics are made up on the spot.”                Politicians from two different parties can use the same            data to support opposite opinions.  It all depends                     on which statistics are used, or ignored, and how                     effectively they can be spun.

2. A faulty moral compass – The moral compass of our day consists of pleasant sounding platitudes that reflect the philosophies of men, with God playing a supporting role, only as needed. In the digital age, commercial media has a tremendous influence on morality, or lack thereof.  Things that we regularly see on the internet, TV, in the theater and movies would have been scandalous a generation ago.  Consider the source.  Actors and Hollywood-types do not have a good track record of promoting self-restraint, virtue or integrity.

     The jokes of TV comedians are now the only education            that many receive on political, moral and social issues.            This is one of the inherent problems of being “spiritual” –      there is no real anchor to keep you from being swept away      by nonsense, and most of what we see is just that.

3. Emotional appeal – The internet bombards people with messages that appeal to emotions without considering the consequences. We have been taught that it is immoral to say anything that might make anyone feel bad for what they are doing. But, as philosopher C. Terry Warner put it, “Indulgence is a punitive counterfeit of charity.” 

     This counterfeit tolerance teaches that no one is allowed        to judge anything to be good or evil.  Relative morality is        internet morality – nothing is right or wrong.   The result is      a world of people making up the rules as they go.

    There is also an emotional appeal by attempting to take the     moral high ground by preaching, “God is love.  God is just     love and nothing else; no justice, no obedience, no self-         control and no accountability.”   This is a false sense of           righteousness.

4. Dehumanizing – Internet morality is often manifested by self-righteous expressions of outrage for something that some other group, country, religion, corporation, etc. did and then demanding that the politicians “do something” to fix the problem. There is no personal commitment other than being offended.  It is a virtual feeling of goodness for doing nothing.

    Social media also allows us to mock others for their beliefs     without having to justify anything that is said.  Many on           social media call others “haters” for not agreeing with             them, and then spew hateful epithets to convince others to     hate everyone that does not agree with them.

5. Anonymity – It is much easier to be vulgar, hateful, caustic and radical when you don’t have to account for what you say.  After all, the internet is just words and you can’t get in trouble when you are anonymous.   Anonymity is a free pass to be your worst self.  

6. Wasteful – Much of what we see on social media is not uplifting, beneficial or worthwhile. It is awash in triviality and filth.  Wasting one’s life in trivialities is not what God intended for us to do on this earth.  Genuine morality teaches us to be actively engaged in being good and doing good.  Social media can easily prevent us from doing what we should while giving us a false sense of goodness because we validate others with our “Likes.”

7. It is not true morality – In a Facebook world, the number of “Likes” someone receives for their opinion is deemed as proof that the opinion is valid and moral. Much of what is “Liked” on social media about family, religion, marriage, gender and fairness is diametrically opposed to what is taught in scripture, including the Ten Commandments.  Morality is divine, and popularity has never been the true standard of goodness..

We live in a real world, not a virtual one.  We must be committed to a morality that lifts ourselves and others.  The Ten Commandments have proven over the millennia to be a trustworthy foundation of a moral society.  They are commandments of God and not suggestions, or broad guidelines open to loose interpretation.

Internet morality is counterfeit.  Following the false god of the internet might make us feel good in the moment but it has no lasting value because it is neither divine nor genuine.  We must return to true morality by following the example of the Greatest Generation –

1. Make God and religion very important in our lives.

2. Worship God in religious services regularly. 

3. Obey God’s commandments. 

Thus, we will less hateful, less self-righteous, more truly moral, more happy and fulfilled. 

We recently visited our children who live across the country.  Since they live so far away, the grandsons are not used to having their grandparents around.  I was encouraging the youngest to help clean up his things in the living room.  He was not very happy and he looked up at me and said, “Grandpa, you’re not the boss of me.”

Later in the day, I was reading comments on Facebook regarding a post about religion.  I was shocked by the contempt and arrogance of some of the writers.  It was as if they were using adult words to express the same attitude as my grandson, “God, you’re not the boss of me.”

During my lifetime, I have met many people who have rejected or ignored God.  Their philosophies typically fit in one of the following five categories.

1. “I believe in God, but I know what is best for me.”

These individuals recognize his presence, or at least, his potential presence.  But, they will not surrender their will to anyone, including God.  The only commandments that they will obey are those that carry a legal penalty.  They will not kill, or steal but the Sabbath is not a holy day, using God’s name in vain is nothing and sexual relations of any kind are fine with consenting adults.

Sadly, they do not understand the significance of God’s commandments and they miss out on the related benefits.  We can choose our actions but we can’t choose the consequences of those actions.  Commandments are the source of wonderful blessings from God. 

2. “God cannot exist because he would not allow all the terrible things that happen to good people.”

This philosophy assumes that God would not allow this life to be unfair.  A natural disaster, a baby dying, or a child that is a drug addict would not exist in the world that they would create.  They believe that since all of those are present in this life’s experience, there is no God. 

The truth is that we do not have all knowledge and what we think we know could be false.  It is also true that life is not fair, but it was not meant to be fair.  It is a test of our faith and faithfulness. The faithful know that through the omniscience and omnipotence of God, all things will be made fair in the end.  God has a plan for us.  People of faith receive great peace in this life when things go badly.  The godless have nowhere to turn for peace when tragedy strikes, as it always eventually does.

3. “My parents taught me about God but the more educated I became, the less I could see his relevance.”

Being wealthy, or intellectual, or very talented are wonderful accomplishments, but they often bring an arrogance that stifles a belief in God.  Those who are self-sufficient frequently think that they are smarter than those who recognize God’s hand in their lives.  This pride usually causes them to think that they don’t really need God.  Sometimes they will participate in religion because of the sociality or because it provides good programs for their children.  They, however, pick and choose what to believe, and what is not up to their intellectual standards. 

This cafeteria style religion prevents them from fully benefiting from God’s love and guidance.  As Jorg Klebingat wrote, “Selective obedience brings selective blessings.”  Arrogance does not benefit anyone.  It strokes a man’s pride for a season but that season will end.  The wisdom of man is foolishness to God.  Nevertheless, God is always waiting for the proud to humble themselves and submit to his will.  When they do, life is better because following God is the only true path to happiness.

4. “Religion (or a belief in God) is the opiate of the masses.”

Some belief there is no force, or intellect or power higher than that of man.  Atheists often uses past abuses by religions as justification for categorizing all religion as evil and destructive but they choose to ignore the fact that the godless have historically been worse.  They also ridicule faith as self-induced in order to escape the realities of life.  Their belief is that we came from nothing and we will end as nothing.  Even brilliant minds, such as Dr. Stephen Hawking, have been seduced by their own intelligence.

Denying God does not make him cease to exist.  It only blocks the path of peace, joy, inspiration, comfort, guidance, family solidarity, hope and love that could be enjoyed by those who choose to reject him.  True disciples of God, and not those who would impose their religion on others, have always enjoyed divine guidance and better lives.

5. “I believe in a God that lets me have it my way.”

In the early 1970’s, Burger King introduced an ad campaign that told customers that they could, “Have it your way.”  It appears that many people want the same in religion.  They know God exists but they want him to allow them to live the way they choose.  In essence, they want to create God in man’s own image.  Some believe that they deserve to go to heaven because of what they believe and those who don’t believe the same as they do go to hell.

A God of justice would never give his people laws and not expect them to obey them, no matter what they claim to believe.  Our merciful God loves us and wants us to follow him because he knows that the more we become like him, the better and happier we are.  As a group, those who do what God commands have always been better people than those who have it their way.

As a Christian, I know that God lives.  I know that Jesus Christ loves me and has atoned for my sins, if I just repent.  I know from personal experience that Christ visits his people in their afflictions.  I know that when the Lord blesses his children, he usually meets our needs through another person.  I know that his commandments are a blessing to me.  I know that life is not fair but I know in whom I have trusted, that there is a purpose to my life and, through Christ, I can overcome any challenge.

God is the boss of me and I love him for it.

As a parent, I was adamant about curfews for our children.  Our kids had a curfew of 10 pm on school nights and midnight on weekends, until they reached age 18 and had graduated from high school.   Any variance from the appointed curfew had to be negotiated in advance and wasn’t usually approved, unless it was a very special occasion, like a Senior Prom. 

When our kids were out at night, I would usually sit on the couch and watch TV until they arrived home.  We would exchange pleasantries, and then I would go to bed.  When curfew was violated, we had a discussion about how parents worry about their children, why they worry, and a penalty was imposed.  The penalty was usually making the curfew earlier for the next weekend.  Consistent enforcement seemed to prevent repeat offenses.

Since we had nine children, I played Curfew Cop for over 20 years.  These are the reasons that I felt it necessary to wait for my children to come home before I went to bed.

1. Kids have no good reason to stay out late. Socialization is very important to teenagers but it doesn’t need to be done late into the night, when fatigue could impair judgment. 
2. Curfews help guard against serious problems. Crime, alcohol and drug use, auto accidents and teenage pregnancy statistics validate that statement.
3. Children need help in establishing good health habits. Establishing good sleeping patterns is necessary for learning and proper brain development.  It is also an important habit to develop for holding a job. 
4. Curfews teach teenagers to be responsible. Learning how to make and keep commitments is part of becoming a responsible adult.  Complying with a curfew can be a difficult choice when friends have more lenient parents, so it is a good testing ground.
5. Waiting up gave me the chance to assess the condition of my kids when they came home. Knowing that they will be looking their dad in the eye and explaining how their evening went was a good way to help our kids make proper decisions earlier in the evening.  Sometimes, teenagers will come home with problems or concerns and want to talk without anyone else around.
6. Enforcing curfews shows love. One of my daughters wrote this, “Dad (would be) sitting up every weekend night waiting for us to come in.  We knew he would be there on the couch, not tucked in to bed waiting for us to come wake him up.  He wanted to be awake and completely aware of what we looked like, smelled like, acted like when we came in from our wanderings.”  Another daughter wrote, “He realized how important it was to be awake and aware of when we were walking in the door and what we were doing all night, making sure we weren’t getting into too much trouble.”

Our children are all adults now.  I have never regretted the sleep I lost and I am grateful for the chance I had to show my kids that I was concerned about their physical, spiritual and emotional well-being by being there for them when they came home at night.

Good parents want nothing more than for their children to be men and women of character.  That is, to be individuals who have honor, goodness and integrity.  These attributes will benefit each child and anyone who associates with them, because strength of character is necessary to achieve any worthwhile goal. 

The character, or integrity, of our children also has a tremendous impact beyond our own family. Confucius said, “The strength of a nation derives from the integrity of the home.”  What we do with our children helps strengthen our society.

A good character is not genetic.  It must be taught, learned and earned.  Some would debate if our children are who they are because of nature (they were born that way) or nurture (they were raised that way).  Most parents would agree that their children are unique but they can be taught.  In other words, there are elements of nature and nurture. 

Our character is the sum of our choices.  Therefore, we must take advantage of the time we are with our kids to teach them to make good choices.  Once they leave the house, there isn’t much a parent can do to help them make correct decisions.  We love them and want them to be successful and happy in life.  The following are some ways to help children to choose correctly so that they will become men and women of character.

1. Teach correct principals. Children must be taught not only right from wrong but also good from better and best.  The teaching of parents should also be supplemented by allowing the kids to associate with people of character.  For example, if a child likes sports, the most important consideration should be the coach.
2. Set a good example. Those who disregard the law typically raise children who disregard the law.  Our society is plagued with individuals and micro-societies that justify bad behavior because of some past wrong, or perceived wrong, that was done to them or someone they know.  Parents must be mature enough to do what is right regardless of wrongs done to them.  
3. Reinforce the importance of a good character. We have a bronze plaque on our front door that reads, “Return with Honor.” It is intended to be a constant reminder of what is expected of each member of our family, parents included.  It also helps every family remember that their actions reflect on all members of the family.
4. Recognize and reward good behavior. It is much more important in developing character for a child to be recognized and praised for helping someone with their homework than for scoring the winning touchdown.  It doesn’t happen often enough.  Society is teaching kids that winning at sports is more important than almost anything.  Our most effective method to combat this lie is to praise appropriately.  
5. Explain the law of consequences. Moral agency is one of the greatest of God’s gifts to man.  An eternal truth is that you can choose your actions, but you can’t choose the consequences.  Since every person has agency, it is up to parents to teach their children to make choices that yield positive consequences.
6. Help kids connect the dots. When we counsel our children with, “Don’t hang around with kids who don’t share your values,” or “Don’t use alcohol or drugs.”  We must also tell them why.  “Kids who don’t share your values will make it very easy for you to make bad choices.”  “Alcohol and drugs impair you and could lead to decisions that will destroy your life both physically and morally.”  Then, follow up with examples.  There are thousands of bad examples.  Most teenagers are smart but they are not always good at connecting the dots of the long term results of their actions.
7. Let them make as many decisions as possible. Learning by experience is the best way for someone to learn if those choices will not jeopardize their physical or spiritual well-being.  As my wife says, “Let children learn to make choices.  Mismatched clothes at age two or three is okay.”  As they become older, they are able to make complex decisions with parents establishing the boundaries, for example, “You can wear whatever you want, as long as it is not offensive.”  “You can go out tonight, as long as you will be home by curfew and I know where you are going.”  “You can use the car as long as I approve of where you are taking it.”

Finally, parents must be mature enough to allow their children to pay the consequences of their actions.  Constantly saving the child from consequences is a great way to raise an irresponsible adult.  Being consistent in teaching correct principles and modeling honorable behavior is the best way to help our children to be people of good character.

Compromise is one of the fundamentals of civilized society.  It is also essential in every type of organization from the United Nations to the family.  In fact, compromise is necessary whenever there are two human beings who are attempting to accomplish anything together, especially a married couple.

It is unreasonable, and rather selfish, to think that we can always have things our way.  In fact, we should expect to make compromises throughout our lives.  The following are essential guidelines that will allow us to make proper compromises without surrendering what is precious to us.

1. Always compromise, unless it is a compromise of our values.

One of the most difficult issues in compromise is determining when we are about to cross the line of violating our core values.  As Mahatma Gandhi said, “All compromise is based on give and take, but there can be no give and take on fundamentals. Any compromise on mere fundamentals is a surrender.”

In order avoid compromising our fundamental values, we must determine what our values are and be able to clearly define how those values apply to everyday life.  We must also have the strength to not surrender when those values are challenged.

2. Determine that the compromise will be beneficial to all concerned.

John F. Kennedy reminded us of the key process to keep government working in behalf of the country.  “Let us not seek the Republican answer or the Democratic answer, but the right answer. Let us not seek to fix the blame for the past. Let us accept our own responsibility for the future.”

This same concept must apply in our businesses, our families and in our dealings with other nations.  We must abandon our selfishness and look for the “right answer.”

3. Readily compromise if the outcome isn’t all that important.

Examples from family life would be; what type of ice cream we buy, which family-friendly TV show to watch, how our children spend the discretionary money they have earned, if our daughters want to wear glitter on their face, etc. 

We control our kids physically when they are young and financially when they are older.  If we want our kids to grow up to be responsible adults, we need to give them opportunity to make their own decisions.  This will be a compromise.  Be assured that they will make a lot of bad choices, but we need to allow them to choose and fail, as long as the consequences are not serious. 

4. Realize that compromise typically produces two parties that are equally dissatisfied with the outcome.

Compromise is a key component in a successful marriage.  Anyone who thinks that their spouse should always do things their way is hallucinating, unless they purposely married a doormat. 

When couples compromise, at least they will know that they respect each other.  We can take comfort in the fact that a compromise is a small step forward in the direction of having things the way we want.  This concept equally applies to nations negotiating trade agreements.

5. Successful compromise is only possible when both parties have integrity.

A compromise struck with another party that does not have integrity is just the beginning of a larger conflict.  Lasting compromises only occur when each party knows that the other can be trusted. 

Jim Turley, former chairman and CEO of Ernst & Young, said “Any great leader I have ever met has an unshakable bedrock of integrity.  Everything else they do is built on that foundation.”

Finally, these words from Zig Ziglar are of utmost importance.  “Be careful not to compromise what you want most for what you want now.”  Marriages, nations, careers and lives have been destroyed from making this type of compromise.