{"id":883,"date":"2021-01-31T02:01:20","date_gmt":"2021-01-31T02:01:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/allred10.com\/?p=883"},"modified":"2025-11-24T14:09:03","modified_gmt":"2025-11-24T14:09:03","slug":"its-not-what-you-say","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/allred10.com\/?p=883","title":{"rendered":"It\u2019s not what you say\u2026"},"content":{"rendered":"

Communication is essential for a solid marriage, a healthy family<\/a><\/span>, a successful soccer team<\/a><\/span> and a profitable multi-national corporation<\/a><\/span>.\u00a0 It is the mechanism that creates the necessary synergy to accomplish a goal.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

In fact, no organization or relationship survives without proper communication.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

There are over 23,000 books listed on Amazon on the topic of communication, so communication problems are not a secret.\u00a0 I will focus on one that hits close to home.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

My wife tells me quite often, \u201cIt\u2019s not what you say; it\u2019s how you say it.\u201d\u00a0 Sometimes, it is<\/u> what I say that creates the problem but this article will deal with the \u201chow.\u201d \u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

The concept of \u201cit\u2019s how you say it\u201d applies to all communication.\u00a0 I will use a husband and wife as an example, but the principles apply equally to communicating with teenage children, with your\u00a0kids\u2019 teacher\u00a0or with your boss at work.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Assuming that you know what you\u2019re talking about and have the ability to express yourself adequately<\/a><\/span>, communication will improve when you consider:<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

1. \u00a0Does the tone of my voice indicate what I am trying to communicate?<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

No matter what I am thinking or feeling, if the tone of my voice is not appropriate to my wife, my ability to communicate with her is drastically diminished.\u00a0 It helps me to take time to decompress from work or an intense situation before interacting with her so that my emotion doesn\u2019t spill over to our conversation.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

2. \u00a0Is the volume of my voice appropriate?<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

The volume of one\u2019s voice is sometimes hard to gauge.\u00a0 Using the reaction of another can be a good indicator of your volume, but that could be too late.\u00a0 Consciously try to soften your voice, unless you are warning of danger.\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

3. \u00a0Does my body language show that I am interested to communicating?<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

The best way to engage another in a conversation is to begin with a smile.\u00a0 When we were dating, I would never have thought that scowling would be the best way to impress my future wife.\u00a0 The same applies to the message you send if you talk to another with crossed arms and a haughty look.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

4. \u00a0Do I maintain eye contact when speaking?<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

If the eyes are the windows of the soul, avoiding eye contact will give the impression that you are hiding something or that you simply are not interested.\u00a0 You might have something important to say but if you do not maintain eye contact, your message could be lost.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

5. \u00a0Do I avoid sarcasm?<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Sarcasm is the language of arrogance<\/a><\/span> and\/or ignorance.\u00a0 It can be used for humor sometimes, but you have to use caution.\u00a0 Sarcasm usually ends sincere communication.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

6. \u00a0Is my silence appropriate?<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Silence can be a useful communication tool.\u00a0 When I am pondering what has been said, it shows respect for the other person and their opinion.\u00a0 However, I know bosses that use silence to intimidate employees.\u00a0 In a marriage, the silent treatment never leads to resolution of a problem.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

7. \u00a0Am I responding to the concerns of the other person?<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

If I speak eloquently about a problem with my wife, but it is not the problem that she sees, I have failed. Being responsive<\/a><\/span> to the other person is infinitely more important than eloquence.\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

8. \u00a0Will my relationship with the other person help or hinder the communication?<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

You can\u2019t fake \u201csincere\u201d with people who know you.\u00a0 Often, you can\u2019t fake it with anyone else.\u00a0 But, if we have the proper relationship with others, we can effectively communicate, even if we don\u2019t express ourselves well.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

The \u201chow\u201d is just as important as the \u201cwhat\u201d when communicating.\u00a0 Here is a simple example.\u00a0 We have all been complimented.\u00a0 We all know that the same words spoken by different people have very different meanings.\u00a0 Someone can say, \u201cI love you\u201d and it melts our heart.\u00a0 Others can say the same words and we know it is just hollow nonsense spoken only because it sounds nice.\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

As George Bernard Shaw said, \u201cThe single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.\u201d \u00a0The best way to overcome that illusion of communication with our spouse, child, neighbor or boss is to consider carefully not only what we want to say but how we say it and how we can increase the trust in our relationships.\u00a0 As a result, our relationships will not only survive, they will thrive.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Communication is essential for a solid marriage, a healthy family, a successful soccer team and a profitable multi-national corporation.\u00a0 It is the mechanism that creates the necessary synergy to accomplish a goal.\u00a0\u00a0 In fact, no organization or relationship survives without proper communication.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 There are over 23,000 books listed on Amazon on the topic of […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[5],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/allred10.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/883"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/allred10.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/allred10.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allred10.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allred10.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=883"}],"version-history":[{"count":16,"href":"https:\/\/allred10.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/883\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1713,"href":"https:\/\/allred10.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/883\/revisions\/1713"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/allred10.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=883"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allred10.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=883"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allred10.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=883"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}